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Showing posts from February, 2022

How to Tell Someone You’re Seriously Dating that You are in Debt

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Open dialogue is the key to a clean conscience – if you’ve got some debt skeletons in your closet and the relationship is important to you it may be time to let them out… Bring up the word “infidelity” at a dinner party or on a psychiatrist’s couch, and you’re likely to see the conversation veer off to issues regarding the libido. But there may be an even more insidious form of infidelity that packs just as much punch as the romantic kind, and can just as easily break up a couple. Financial Infidelity A new study shows that 80% of couples spend money behind their significant others back – and don’t tell them about the purchase. Another 18.5% of the 200 survey respondents included in the study have opened a credit card without their partner’s knowledge. In addition, 38% of survey respondents who do practice financial infidelity say they fear that, if found out, their relationships would end quickly. Why do so many people hide debt and spending issues from their loved ones? Primar...

The Divorced Person’s Guide To Online Dating

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Internet dating: could two words ever have struck such fear into the heart of the newly divorced?! Let’s face it, dating can be a daunting experience for anyone.  To worsen matters, it can become a nerve wrecking experience if you’re re-entering the dating world after a long break and a traumatic break-up. As if you didn’t have enough on your hands without the heartbreak from your previous failed relationship, trying to re adjust to life now on your own but now you disover that you’re an absolute novice when it comes to the new rules of dating!  It’s enough to send you to a cabin in the woods! Here are some tips for dating after divorce . Online or offline dating? Should you find love online or offline? The answer to that relies to a large extent on the amount of time you have at hand as well as your confidence level . It’s quite normal to feel pretty unconfident about your attractiveness after the morale-kicking expereince of divorce, which makes online dating an appealing way to...

Why You Should Never Fight in Front of the Kids

Even as an adult, witnessing a fight is distressing, even if you don’t know the people involved. So, just imagine how damaging it is for your kids to see their parents fighting… In fact, you may not be aware that witnessing domestic violence (or being scared of it happening) is so damaging to a child’s mental and emotional well-being that it is legally considered to be a form of child abuse. Therefore, consider the following when you feel yourself about to boil over: It’s a terrible image that will stay in their minds forever Fighting with your partner (or soon to be ex) in front of the kids leaves the children with a negative picture of their parents. Whilst fighting is not uncommon even in a stable relationship, it is vital that the children are removed from the fray. Any and all arguments need to take place away from the children and preferably out of earshot as well. Fighting in front of the kids makes it more difficult to present a ‘united front’ You children will be confuse...

Arguing About Children

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At first, when our daughter was born we didn’t fight at all. There was no reason to fight, as she was usually a calm and happy baby. Everything changed when she was about four months old and started waking more and more during the night. The inexperienced mom lost faith in her parenting style and dad, as she felt, wasn’t much help. Accusations were thrown; articles about sleep training techniques were studied, learned by heart and discussed. There was no peace in the house and the situation stayed more or less the same until our baby girl has started to sleep through the night. More or less. So what do you do if you feel you fight too often about kids? Fighting Over Kids Is Normal First of all,  arguing about discipline  and other children-related issues is completely normal and natural. I doubt many of you had agreed on a future parenting style before your baby was born. I doubt this is needful or even possible. There will always be another issue and you will forever be making amen...

Do You Overshare On Dates?

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If you tend to overshare on dates, or you get uncomfortable when your date overshares, you MUST watch this video! Do you overshare on dates? Have you ever been on a date with someone who overshared? In this video, I discuss what oversharing is, why it can be a problem in dating, and what we can do about it. Do You Overshare On Dates? What is oversharing and why is it a problem? Many people get deep before they know someone well. They share too much too soon, usually around past relationships, finances, or past trauma. Why is this a problem? Because if you share the deeper stuff before you know and like each other, you run the risk of turning off the people you like. We all judge quickly, and if you’re hearing about illnesses, addictions, or debt, you’re probably not going on a second date. If someone overshares with you before they know you well, we wonder about unresolved issues. Why do people overshare? Because we’re anxious and we want to be...

When and How to Speak Up in a Relationship

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I coached Cheryl on the podcast about when and how to speak up in a relationship, childhood trauma, and reparenting your inner child. — Cheryl wrote into the podcast, “I am in an exclusive relationship and I have two main issues.   The first is that since I’ve been so unsuccessful in relationships in the past, my confidence is low and I often put myself down with him, sometimes expressing disbelief that he wants me.   The second issue is that sometimes I get miffed by things he does, but I can’t decide whether to address them. They’re small things, like when he came to my house for the first time, he didn’t compliment me on it. Or when I paid for our movie tickets, he didn’t offer to pay for our snacks, so I paid for those, too. There are many wonderful things he does and I do call them out and express my appreciation. When and how do I speak up about the smaller stuff?”  EP 490: Live Coaching With Cheryl – When and How to Speak Up in a Relati...

How to Heal Your Emotional Triggers

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Our emotional triggers can keep us stuck and single. In this video, you’ll learn how we get them and how to heal them. — Dating and relationships are fertile ground for emotional triggers. What are triggers, where do they come from, and how do we heal them? That’s what I’ll be talking about in this video. How to Heal Your Emotional Triggers First, let’s explore what emotional triggers are and where they come from. As children, we experience pain or suffering that we don’t know how to deal with. Many times, we don’t realize that what we’ve experienced is not healthy or ‘normal’. It’s all we know. Our caretakers are supposed to keep us safe, and they don’t always do a great job. As adults, we can become triggered by experiences that remind us of those old painful feelings from childhood. If we don’t learn how to identify and heal our triggers, we try to manage those painful feelings in unhealthy ways, like numbing ourselves by shopping, overeatin...

Why Women Give Bad Dating Advice

In January, the Toronto wind stings the skin and makes your lips crack. The only thing to do is wrap yourself up in a warm jacket, pull your toque over your ears, and run (slowly, so as not to slip), down the street to your local pub where your fellow pale and frostbitten Canadians are warming themselves with boozy egg nog and whiskey. The door catches the wind and flies open as I walk in. Cold air blows over the occupants of the bar, who are cheery and stoic despite the misery outside. I smile secretly inside, knowing I’m going to be in Honolulu* soon, I love my job. I get a little bit drunk with some friends and mention my upcoming trip. “For work? What do you do?” says a brunette with big green eyes that my buddy has been chatting with all night. “Chris is a dating coach” my buddy answers. I smile…. I know exactly what she’s going to say next, becauseI always get the same response. “ Do you hire women? I would make a great dating coach”. It’s cute that they literally say the ...

What to text a girl

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Knowing what to text a girl in different situations can make a huge difference in your dating life. If you know the right things to text a girl, you can usually turn 60% or more of the numbers they get into dates. But if you do things wrong, you’ll probably find that only about 10% of the phone numbers you get turn into anything (or even LESS!). This little guide will probably help your average guy turn his “conversion” rate up a LOT. What to text a girl: The first text. In my experience, the first text doesn’t matter that much, because most women ignore your first text (and the rest will text back regardless of whether what you say is interesting or not). Usually I text women the night I meet them, and either invite them to another (cool) venue, use some call back humor, or if necessary give her a light compliment . So some examples: Even if we never see one another again, I’ll always cherish the twenty minutes we spent together at Muldoons.   – Chris (Note, this would be callback...

6 Questions to Ask Your Partner About Finances

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If you’re afraid to ask your partner about finances, listen to this podcast. Amy Scott makes it easy to have tough conversations about money. Amy Scott is a Certified Financial Coach who teaches couples how to get on the same page about money – and why it’s so important. She is passionate about helping couples to live life with less conflict and more space to focus on what really matters to them. Amy has spent the last seven years teaching couples to use her unique budgeting system, which gives them confidence, peace of mind, and allows them to pursue dreams that had previously gone unfulfilled. In this episode of Last First Date Radio: Why it’s important for every couple to talk about money The top 6 questions to ask about finance The hidden benefits of talking about finance and money How to be more curious and compassionate with your date or partner when having the money talk EP 489: Amy Scott – 6 Questions to Ask Your Partner About Finances Last First Date...

What Conversation Are You Avoiding?

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What conversation are you avoiding with a partner, friend, or date? Are you afraid to have important (scary) conversations? Watch this video! — Many of us avoid conversations that we need to have. What conversation are you avoiding? Are you afraid to find out if the man you’re dating wants a relationship? Afraid to ask your friend to pay you back? Afraid to ask someone out? In this video, Max and I discuss the conversations we avoid, why we avoid them, and how to have those tough conversations…without freaking out! What Conversation Are You Avoiding? In this video, you’ll learn: Why people don’t speak up How to have scary conversations without being so scared What skills you need to be a good communicator What do you do when your feelings are hurt? Do you speak up with kindness, or do you lash out in anger, or hold back and say nothing until you can’t take it anymore?  Communication is THE most important skill for healthy, loving relations...

How to be an Alpha Male

If you’ve ever read a book about picking up women you probably learned that women like “alpha” males (as opposed to beta males). Dictionary.com defines, alpha male, as a male animal having the highest rank in a dominance hierarchy.  Urbandictionary.com defines, beta male, as an unremarkable, careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the alpha male. I usually disagree with other pickup artists, but in this case I concur. Women are more attracted to alpha males.  It’s been demonstrated in a variety of species time and time again. What I do disagree with is the specifics on what makes someone an alpha male. The seduction community has chartered a generic list of characteristics that shot-callers should possess. Features like a deep voice, taking up a lot of space, and peer subjugation come to mind. Most who attempt to follow the traditional alpha male prescription look like wannabes and jerks. That’s because they’re...

5 Myths Pickup Artists Believe

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When I discovered the pickup artist community it seemed sort of gimmicky and sleazy, and it still does! That’s because a bunch of charlatans and dreamers propagate myths about seduction and reality. Since becoming a professional mentor I’m more and more annoyed by people keeping these myths alive. There are a bunch of them, but I’d like to share 5 of the myths I hear most often. 1. Any man can seduce any woman. This is probably the most common lie I hear in the pickup industry. “My program will help you seduce any woman any time.” That’s bullshit. Sure, improving your communication skills dramatically increases your odds of seducing women, but some people won’t like you. No program can help you seduce every woman you meet, and why would you want to seduce everyone you meet? The purpose of these skills is to meet and attract women that are right for you. 2. Looks don’t matter. How do you sell a bunch of unkempt men (who don’t feel like putting work into their looks) a seduction pro...

When He Texts But Doesn’t Call

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He texts but doesn’t call. What do you do? Assume he’s not interested or it’s a red flag? Before you do that, watch this video! — If a man texts but doesn’t call, what does it mean? Is it a red flag? Is he a terrible communicator? Is something wrong? In this video, you’ll learn what to do when he texts but doesn’t call. When He Texts But Doesn’t Call Why do men text but not call?   The only person who can answer that is the man you’re texting. If you prefer talking over texting, let him know. I think texting is a terrible way to communicate and build connection, especially at the beginning when you’re first getting to know each other. If you don’t tell him how you feel about texting, he won’t know. So, tell him you would love to talk. I’ll give you a script you can use in just a minute. Maybe you’re thinking, “If he liked me, he’d call me”. Not necessarily.  Texting has become the most common (and easiest) way to communica...